I sat down this week to write my blog and … nada.  No creative juices flowing.  No inspiration.  I consulted my list of potential blog topics, my notes from various undeveloped ideas, and did a bit of skim reading.  Still no inspiration.  I wandered off and did some washing up.  Somewhere between rinsing an ovenproof dish and cleaning a knife, it hit me: “I can’t do this right now.”  And then I thought, “maybe this (recognition) is an important resource for a carer”.

What I mean by this is that I think it can be powerful to recognise that, at any particular moment, there may be nothing left in the tank, and whatever seems needed at that moment might have to wait.   I know this seems counter-intuitive as a lot of my blogs are about taking action.  It’s important to acknowledge, however, that there are times, when as a carer with multiple demands upon us, we might not have capacity to take immediate action.  Sometimes a negative can be affirmative!

There’s a few things that need to be considered here to qualify this:

1. Is there anything that absolutely must be done now? Keeping a child safe is an obvious example. However, there might be other occasions where it’s possible to wait or pause, the thing needed may not be quite so urgent as it initially seems.
2. Just because I can’t do this right now, doesn’t mean I can’t do it at all – how can I reset? If I’m not doing this thing now, what are my obligations/responsibilities here?  What’s the impact of pausing?  What might help me pick this thing up later (if I decide I need to)?
3. Whose expectations do I need to manage and how? If you need to let anyone know that “you can’t do this right now”, how are you going to let them know?  If you want to set a firm boundary, what does this involve?  Where will you be meeting the other person?  Is there anything the other person needs to know about what you need?  Sometimes people might need you to make sense of things for them: how can you do this in a way that supports your wellbeing?
4. If I can’t do this one thing, is there anything else I feel I want to do now? Is there a small piece of it I feel like I can tackle?
5. If this is something I am perennially struggling with, why? What’s getting in the way of getting it done?
6. Finally, it’s important to remind yourself that, it is okay pause, it is okay to stop, and it is valuable information to recognise that you don’t have capacity for something ‘right now’ and give yourself space to act on this realisation.

If this post has resonated with you and you want to find some ways to create pauses and give yourself permission to stop, please reach out to us at info@careforyoucoaching.co.uk